Being in love is very nice. Very nice indeed.
But when it boils down to keeping the love alive, after some donkey years, in a marriage, there’s plenty of work to be done. Especially when the marriage suffers a gene mutation called BABIES.
So when I was in the shower one evening, where my creative juices flow most freely, no pun intended, I came up with a mathematical rule for love. Or rather, if you love, you’d do the following. Yes, the converse is true.
Simple stuff. Whether we’re super nova rich, famous and powerful, or down-and-out in rags, the basics are pretty much the same.
1) Add Value. For a marriage to work, one has to give 110% and take just 100%. That way, the relationship will be balanced as long as both parties do the same. There would be excess “love equity” in the marriage and when bad things happen, this “love equity” helps to cushion the crisis.
So if we don’t give more than we take, over time, this “love equity” gets drawn down and it’s common sense what could possibly happen next. BAM! S*** hits the fan. We don’t want that. And nope, kids are NOT equity. Kids are just long-term payables and you can’t depend on liabilities to keep a marriage going. It’s also interesting to note that when people are dating, they feel no qualms giving more than they take. People tend to get real lazy after putting a ring on it.
2) Minus Anger. This is so, so, so important. Anger has no place in a marriage and family. A display of anger, be it verbal or physical, annihilates the spirit. This is critical for marriages with children. No matter what the issue is, we should always deal with it in a calm manner. If we have existing anger management issues, we ought to acknowledge and actively adjust our behavior.
Of course there would be times when big problems come up and you’d feel like releasing the Kraken but what I’m saying is, don’t sweat the small stuff. 忍一时，风平浪静。退一步，海阔天空！And well, there’s a superstitious belief that if a family can’t have peace and harmony, it will NEVER prosper. Yea, be afraid, be very afraid!
3) Divide Sorrow. Don’t be overly-independent. Don’t bottle up your unhappiness, share it with your spouse. You’d find comfort in doing so. On the other hand, if your spouse opens up to you, don’t judge! Or you’d shatter the trust and erm, that would suck and it’d be your fault.
DO NOT share your sorrow with a member of the opposite sex. If you do, you’re just looking for trouble and you are a cheating bastard who deserves to rot in hell. Yea, it’s harsh but you know what, you really do and I have no sympathy for you.
4) Multiply Joy. Similarly, the first person whom you’d think of sharing a piece of good news should be your spouse. Ok if you’re a like a mama’s boy or something and you’re obligated to tell your mom first then ok fine, cos well, mummies are the best! LOL. But when your partner shares a piece of good news with you, do a happy baby dance!
The point is, joy should be shared and multiplied. As a spouse, we must celebrate our partners’ joy and achievements and not, for reasons I cannot fathom, get competitive. Don’t be a wet blanket, for goodness’ sake! And if your partner doesn’t share his or her happy news with you, perhaps you ought to reflect and see if you’ve been pooping on his/her parade!
And that’s about it! Simple rules but tough actions. Keep calm and spread the love!
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